Anxiety Addiction Intensifies for First Radio Interview

Robin Botie photoshops her anxiety addicted self at her first radio interview on Tish pearlman's Out of Bound Radio Show.Looming fear. Stress. Dread. My name is Robin and I am addicted to anxiety.

It started way before cancer or my daughter dying, and long before I knew about global warming. Even before the last election, I was hooked on worrying. Always poised for danger, I feel lost without something to worry about; as soon as one anxiety is resolved I replace it with a new concern. I confess: being anxious is my normal. It excites me; it numbs me. Most of the time it consumes me. And this past week it totally possessed me.

Fortunately there wasn’t much notice before I learned I was to be interviewed by Tish Pearlman for her Out of Bounds Radio Show. But I suffered several sleepless nights, wondering if I would be able to focus and keep my train of thought. What if Tish asked me something I didn’t know or couldn’t remember the answer to? Bad enough that I struggle to remember words even when I’m not under pressure, what if I got tongue-tied? All week I panicked in full force fight-or-flight mode, considering canceling yet preparing for every worst-case scenario. On Interview Day, armed with seven typed pages of notes, I trudged up the stairs to the Rep Studio.

And yes, during the interview, all the things I worried about happened. The blanking out, the forgetting, the trouble concentrating…. And as I struggled to understand and respond to one of the questions, I remember telling myself, Okay, this can be edited out. But when the interview was over I forgot to mention it. Relief spread over me like a warm fuzzy blanket, and I sat there, speechless, as Tish smiled, letting me know I could go.

Later, in the middle of that night I woke up horrified, remembering that one particularly embarrassing response that had nothing to do with anything I wanted to say. The entire remainder of the long night, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head until I emailed Tish in the morning, and she emailed me back, No … don’t think we can edit it out.

So now I’m inviting you all to tune in and see if you can find that embarrassing part of the interview. Because sometimes, to get over extended anxiety attacks, it’s best to take deep breaths, tear the insulting idea up out of the dark depths of your sensitive psyche, acknowledge your emotional disruption, and then blast the whole issue apart by sharing it all over Facebook for the world to see.

BROADCAST DATES and TIMES:

Sat Sept 2  at 3:30pm pm: WEOS-FM ( 90.3 & 89.5 Geneva/Seneca Falls region) Live Stream: WEOS.org  for those out of region

Sun Sept 10 at 11:30am: WSKG-FM (89.3 Binghamton, 90.9 Ithaca 91.7 Cooperstown/Oneonta, 91.1 Corning/Elmira, 88.7 Hornell/Alfred)
LIVE STREAM: WSKG.org    for those out of region

After broadcast, shows are available at www.outofboundsradioshow.com

What craziness keeps you awake nights? What advice can you offer for dealing with excess worrying and panic attacks?

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Anxiety Addiction Intensifies for First Radio Interview

  1. Elaine Mansfield

    Congratulations. You did it and got your feet wet. The next interview will be easier. I haven’t listened, Robin, because I’m struggling with vertigo made worse by listening to radio, podcasts, etc. I will. I’m sure you did just fine. It’s loaded to talk about grief. For me, the best way is to let the feelings come and trust that I’ll make sense. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. I hope my hearing-induced vertigo calms down soon so I can listen.

    Reply
  2. Pam

    Hi Robin, I listened when our mutual friend E. sent around the link, on Sept. 14 I think. Your interview was very effective, you sounded quite in command of all your material so your preparation was rewarded, and though I noticed a hesitation to answer one question I did not perceive your response as anything but a well considered reply. So no, don’t think an embarrassing moment was at all evident, if that hesitation was even it. I do hope the warm enveloping feeling afterward relieved all your previous stressed-ness. Thanks for speaking so well about the nature of experiences bereaved parents face.

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Pam, thanks so much for listening to the interview. And for visiting my website and leaving such a positive response. I’m feeling a bunch better about the interview now. Yes, there was a fuzzy warm feeling once I realized it wasn’t as bad as I remembered. Definitely not “in command” but I’ll do better the next time. The good thing is I’m looking forward to trying it out again if I get another opportunity. Cheers!

      Reply
  3. Felicity Wright

    You did a fabulous job although I turned it on late and was driving in an area with intermittent reception — which might be the reason I can’t remember anything embarrassing that you might have said…

    On the contrary, I was very moved! It resonated with me because I lost a daughter 40 years ago; I have written about it (but not yet) published it. After six months of proper Victorian composure, I experienced by debilitating panic attacks that left me questioning myself, God, and all of creation. I eventually had two more children, both with major health problems (although fine now). It took 20 years, but I came to recognize that the suffering was also a powerful gift (the wounded healer theme). It eventually pushed me to go into ordained ministry and gave me the focus and courage to overcome numerous obstacles so that I might be able to walk the wilderness journey with others.

    I’ve recently retired from parish ministry and am living on Cayuta (“Little”) Lake with my dog and kayak. If you’re ever leading a writing or spirituality group, I’d love to learn more. Thanks and bravo!

    My website is noted below but it needs some serious updating…

    Hurrah!

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Welcome, Felicity. We’re almost neighbors. It amazes me how many wonderful people I’ve met in my journey. And people who have gone through similar paths, ending up in similar places or places that are so opposite to anything I ever dreamed of – but maybe not so opposite that I couldn’t imagine myself there. I cannot (yet) imagine myself leading a writing or spirituality group as I am still skirting the edges of each of these endeavors, but someday hope to meet up with you and your dog, and your kayak on Lake Cayuta. Thank you so much for hearing me. And if you’re ever in Ithaca please let me know. I’d love to hear more of your story. And I agree that all the suffering, if not actually a gift, has made me a stronger, more compassionate and generous person.

      Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Well, Annah Elizabeth, let’s see how it turns out first, before we speak in terms of congrats and success. Thanks so much for speaking up. I love hearing from you. Cheers!

      Reply
  4. Monica

    Ugh! I feel your pain having done some interviews recently myself, one could be edited, one could not. I hope to catch your interview while on the road cross country. I bet I won’t find your embarrassing moment-we’re always our own worst critic. Your are a brave woman to put yourself out there and I so appreciate your contributions to the grief dialogue in this country.

    When I’m having anxiety over things like this I try to remind myself that people are tuning in wanting to learn, grow, and understand or relate to their life, so I figure I’m supposed to be there and if I mess up or fall short, well, that’s human also.

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Thanks, Monica. I like your comment about my “contributions to the grief dialogue in this country.” Whoa. Didn’t know I was doing that. I mean, that’s something to aspire to. Me, I feel mostly like a fraud in all this, as in, who am I to be contributing to the grief dialogue in this country or anywhere? And, like when people are tuning in expecting to learn … are they going to discover I’m just a know-nothing, unqualified, clueless wannabe-writer? Many thanks for your faith in me.

      Reply
  5. Lynne Taetzsch

    Robin, I’ve never heard anyone else express anxiety so akin to my own before–I understand completely. The sleepless nights, the over-preparation, the wanting to cancel (and I have canceled in the past when the anxiety became too overwhelming)–all too familiar! I go through this every time I have a solo exhibit of my paintings and have to stand there at the opening reception, greeting people. These days I decline to do an opening reception and don’t participate in many exhibits. It’s not worth the anxiety I suffer beforehand. I sell my art online now, where I am much more comfortable presenting myself.

    I applaud you for doing the radio show anyway–not letting anxiety win. Kudos to you!

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      No, really Lynne? You’ve been nervous and sweating at your openings? I couldn’t tell. Actually I remember worrying if anyone would show up at my openings. And for my very first solo show, in the president’s office up at TC3 in Dryden in June when classes were done – no one (hardly anyone) showed up. So I can understand your preference to show and sell online. But now I have to listen to my interview. And something tells me I’m going to feel nervous and worried all over again when I finally hear it. Thanks for the applause.

      Reply
  6. Margaret

    I’m sure it will be GREAT Robin!! I always comfort myself in these situations by remembering that our little mistakes and lapses in front of crowds simply make us more human…and loveable. Can’t wait to hear your interview.

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Yeah, I can’t wait to hear it myself, Margaret. I guess I’m telling myself I’ll do better next time. More lovable?

      Reply

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