I Will Never Forget

Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, Photoshops multiple frames around a portrait of her daughter Marika Warden who died.My dead daughter’s pictures pop up on Facebook, and each time I see one, my eyes pop out of my head. I’ve been planting her image all over online. And every time someone shares or comments on what I’ve posted, the response and the article with its photo come back to my email box. You wouldn’t think something like this could bring so much joy. But it does, to me.

The joy doesn’t come just because I know Marika loved collecting friends and putting her pictures on Facebook. It’s not because I’ve learned to like doing what she did. And it’s not to show her off or to grab your sympathies.

“One of the most scary things for us as bereaved parents is that our dead child will be forgotten.” These are not my words. One of my Facebook friends wrote this in response to my article, How I Swallowed my Daughter. This is my truth. I need to feel Marika won’t be lost and forgotten. I’m framing her face and pasting her all over the Internet so she’ll be remembered. “There’s that girl again,” you will say. Even for the short time it takes to look at her, or share her image, she will have been seen. And maybe when you remember she no longer walks the earth, perhaps you will cherish your own time here and your own loved ones, more.

That’s why, when I’m not looking for joy and finding life after loss, you can find me posting photos of my daughter on Facebook. Before friends and strangers, I am promising Marika and myself, that she will not be forgotten.

Thank you for sharing and celebrating her with me.

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10 thoughts on “I Will Never Forget

  1. Teri Daly

    It is true. We ‘mamas’ cannot bear the thought that the bright light of our beautiful child will be forgotten.
    I will now remember the sweet face of your girl, your lovely light….Marika <3

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Thank you Teri. And thank you for showing up at my online home. It’s embarrassing sometimes what we do to keep our nevergone children “alive.” Those who have not gone through childloss don’t quite understand this very powerful need. And if we can turn this driving force into something useful, meaningful – well, it helps. Cheers!

      Reply
  2. Elaine Mansfield

    I almost feel I know Marika, Robin. From your posts, but also from hearing quite a few readings from your book. And where is that book right now? Feel the nudge.

    A few weeks ago, I completed a new website for Vic. I wanted to preserve his work and make it shareable because the ancient 2004 website was nearly unusable. And because I wanted to preserve something of him. Photos, articles, his favorite poems… Have a look if you have time at http://vicmansfield.com

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      The book is about to be queried to a friend’s agent who doesn’t handle memoirs but who may hopefully pass it to an agent in her office who does. It seemed a good place to start, having a recommendation from an author to her agent.
      I absolutely love the idea of your doing a new website for Vic. What a great thing, to preserve his work. And something more of him, I’m sure. I just posted about sending Marika emails. I never thought about making her a website or preserving her old one. What an idea! On second thought – more work. Hmmmm. Well, I’m gonna check out Vic’s new site. Cheers!

      Reply
    2. Robin Botie Post author

      Vic’s new website is perfect, Elaine. Beautifully done. Only I couldn’t find a place to comment. Even went to the Blog Tab. So I’m commenting here in the hopes you will find this. It is an incredible way to “keep” him here. And updated. Yow.

      Reply
      1. Elaine Mansfield

        One of the main buttons across the top says “contact.” That’s the place. http://www.vicmansfield.com/contact/
        Thanks so much for commenting here. It feels good to have it up. There is more to do such are more photos, labeling photos, adding blogs I’ve written that are more about Vic than about my relationship to him, and more. It feels right.
        I’m glad you have a book plan. Keep knocking.

        Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      And please continue with yours, Monica. It seems our daughters both had glimpses into their fates and wrote of them. I’m not sure we all do. For me, it’s a constant work just to weed out and express the immediate truth. Cheers!

      Reply
  3. Gail Teran

    She is an angel, Robin. Anyone who knew her will not forget Marika.
    Fond regards

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Many hugs to you, Gail. You know you’ve written the magnificent words I love to hear here. “Anyone who knew her will not forget Marika.” I miss you and your sweet wisdom.

      Reply

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