Ice Cream for the Soul

Ice Cream for the Soul, Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops her deceased daughter, Marika Warden, eating ice cream at Purity Ice Cream Shop.“They’re closer than you think,” I said, talking about loved ones who died. I dug into my cup of coffee ice cream. Seated around a small table at Ithaca’s Purity Ice Cream Shop with an old friend and two new friends, I could not remember being there in the past 3½ years since my daughter died. Marika and I came here often: mocha chip and coffee ice creams. Chocolate sauce or hot fudge. No cherry, no whip.

“If a child loses both parents (s)he is called an orphan. Widows and widowers are people who lost a spouse. But what is a word for a parent who lost a child?” I asked.
“Damaged,” said one of my new friends. We could laugh about this; each one of us knew loss too well.
“And what is a word that means ‘a dear one who died’?” It was the question that had haunted me all week.

I was about to make an ice cream toast to our lost loved ones when the server sent out a fifth dessert.
“It was on your order. Mocha chip with sauce.”

That’s when I decided to plant a picture of my dead daughter at the table.

What do you call your beloved who died?

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8 thoughts on “Ice Cream for the Soul

  1. Karen Stufflebeam

    Robin my husband asked me to look at ur site. In ur picture is my husband Steven & my father-in-law Perry. As I’m sure Steven told u about us losing my son Rob & that’s why he knew the word “damaged” was a good description. Today is Rob’s b-day & as I’m sure u know, another hurdle to get thru. I’m so sorry for ur loss, I wish this wasn’t something we have in common. It’s been almost 8 years but it still feels like yesterday. I also have a website for him. I think this is a wonderful way to give tribute to ur daughter.

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      It is so good to “meet” you, Karen. Well, it would have been nicer to meet under happier circumstances, yes. I am very sorry for your loss too. But welcome to my site. And welcome to my world, fellow sister in grief. Hugs to you during this difficult time of the year. I’d love to look at the website for Rob. As for “damaged,”I agree because there is a permanent hole in my heart but I prefer to think of us as being “chipped” like the cups and plates in my cupboard that are still beautiful to me and functional. Thank you so much for being “out there.” Please keep in touch and let me know how I can find that tribute site for Rob. Cheers!

      Reply
  2. Myra Kovary

    I say, she or he was my soul mate or my beloved or my son or my daughter or my father or my mother — who died.

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Hi Myra. Welcome to my online home. So great you could visit. So – we need to shorten this idea. Too many words. I mean, I say this every day and write it in blogs and responses to people reaching out in online grief groups. “My daughter who died,” “my beloved who died,” “the one you love who died.” I need one word, maybe two, to get this across before the rest of the sentence is forgotten. “Deceased beloved” is too cold. There WILL be a word. If it’s not out there in some other language and culture already, I will invent a word.
      I’m getting rather attached to “cara estinta,” Italian for dear departed but i keep hearing “extinct” in that. And that sounds too final. My word, if I create one, will be kinder to the idea that something remains. So, more work to be done. Thank you so much for being “here” for me.

      Reply
  3. Annette Corth

    Robin, I was so shocked to see Marika joining us at Purity last Saturday. It was another effective image for those who knew her. The shots of the men were great.
    Annette

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      So who ordered that extra ice cream, Annette? And how could anyone else there know Marika’s flavor? I love when those silly coincidences happen. It almost makes me believe in ghosts. Remember the book/tv show The Ghost and Mrs. Muir? Maybe my next book will have to be a mother/ghost daughter story. Cheers!

      Reply
  4. Elaine Mansfield

    Still looking for that word. Maybe in another language, because I don’t think English has such a word–except Beloved. Do you know anyone fluent in a romance language or in Arabic? Did anyone confess to ordering mocha chip, or does it remain another Marika mystery? Sending lots of ice cream with hot fudge.

    Reply
    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Definitely another one of those lovely Marika mysteries. I love when they happen. This one was so Marika.
      Yes, I think my word will be from another language and culture. I’ll keep asking around as I know no one. Tweeting my question didn’t even yield any answers. If I can’t find a word I’ll have to invent and self-publish one.

      Reply

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