I wish I could make last Monday disappear. I wish I could take back the EF-5 tornado, give back the lives lost, and say it was only a nightmare. But as the people of Moore, Ohio and others newly bereaved begin the long journey to healing from loss, I can only offer this: the pain you can’t imagine living with will soften and you will feel better in time.
Shortly after my daughter died, one thing I tried was “bookmarking” a special time or place for her memory. I chose the full moon. So whenever I saw a full moon or an almost-full moon I would think about my daughter. To this day, on moonlit nights when I walk the dog I sing or talk to Marika.
I think about her a lot even when there’s no moon. At first, if an hour went by or a day went by that I didn’t think of her, I felt remorse. When I started to find things in my new life without her to smile or laugh about, feelings of guilt crept over me. At one point I asked myself, “Did Marika ever like seeing me unhappy or suffering?” No. Even my feisty daughter with her anger issues and attitude was in her best mood when her mother was happy. She would want me to enjoy my life now.
So when I get an invitation to a full moon campfire I grab my opportunity to have fun and remember my daughter at the same time.