{"id":1530,"date":"2017-03-06T07:30:30","date_gmt":"2017-03-06T12:30:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=1530"},"modified":"2017-03-05T12:58:21","modified_gmt":"2017-03-05T17:58:21","slug":"grief-gratitude","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/grief-gratitude\/","title":{"rendered":"From Grief to Gratitude"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"RobinSaturday was my daughter\u2019s sixth angelversary. Angelversary is the name bereaved parents often use to gently refer to the date of a child\u2019s death. It marks the day a son or daughter became an angel. Or the day they took up a heavenly abode. I\u2019m still on the fence about heaven and where one ends up after life. And Marika was no angel. But these wretched anniversaries wreak a range of emotions. What bereaved mothers and fathers really want, besides having their children back, is to know their child is loved and won\u2019t be forgotten.<\/p>\n

The first few angelversaries I was immobilized with fear and dread, wondering how I could survive the day. Then there were years when I obsessed about exactly how to commemorate such a time: to turn off the phone and stay in bed, or line up back-to-back meet-ups with friends? To curl up and cry? Or celebrate Marika\u2019s life with balloons and butterflies?<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m declaring a personal holiday,\u201d I told a bunch of other bereaved parents last week. \u201cI\u2019m going to party and drink and do all the things she liked to do. I\u2019m gonna be really good to myself. Cake. Chocolate. Hiking with my daughter\u2019s dog. I\u2019m going shopping.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was going to write about all those things. I was looking forward to barging into the day full force, like my daughter would, feasting on the beautiful free time to do anything I wanted. And then, first thing on the day of Marika\u2019s sixth angelversary, I felt a desperate urge to grab onto my grief again. I needed to drown in sorrow. Feel pain. Cry. Maybe so I could remember how much I loved, and how much that love costs me still.<\/p>\n

There was a box of Marika\u2019s photos. The ones from her last years. I knew they would fuel a major breakdown. What I didn\u2019t know was, after the deluge of tears from seeing dozens of photos of Marika being held and hugged in the middle of friends, how grief could melt into gratitude. It warmed me as much as the cocoa, the chili, and the good cheer I found the rest of that day among my own friends.<\/p>\n

All the beautiful, wonderful friends. Hugs to those who keep me going. And brimful thanks to everyone who filled Marika\u2019s life with love. She was no angel. But she was loved.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How do friends keep you going? How do friends keep you grateful?<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Saturday was my daughter’s sixth angelversary. Angelversary is the name bereaved parents often use to gently refer to the date of a child’s death. It marks the day a son or daughter became an angel. Or the day they took up a heavenly abode. I’m still on the fence about heaven and where one ends […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1062],"tags":[768,541,772,1124,1122,675,610,1123],"class_list":["post-1530","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1062","tag-angelversary","tag-bereaved-parents","tag-celebrating-anniversary-death","tag-friends-keep-me-sane","tag-from-grief-to-gratitude","tag-gratitude","tag-grief-healing","tag-help-grieving-friend"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t