{"id":2218,"date":"2018-08-27T07:04:44","date_gmt":"2018-08-27T11:04:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=2218"},"modified":"2018-08-27T09:32:11","modified_gmt":"2018-08-27T13:32:11","slug":"preoccupied-with-death-and-dying","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/preoccupied-with-death-and-dying\/","title":{"rendered":"Preoccupied with Death and Dying"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Robin<\/a>The biggest ant I ever saw was flat on its back on my kitchen counter. It was waving its little limbs frantically when I went to bed that night too tired to deal with it. In the morning the intrepid ant was still there. When I put on my glasses, I could see it was still pawing at the air, but with somewhat less vigor.<\/span><\/p>\n

And while I stood over it, wielding my mini-vac\u2014my preferred method of bug removal\u2014I considered how I might instead move the ant to a grassy spot outside. This would not be easy. Small creatures with many more legs than I have always kinda creeped me out. Bug phobia. It goes back over half a century. I\u2019d once made a 24-inch-long paper mache ant for a grade school science project, partly to face my terror.<\/span><\/p>\n

More recently, partly to face another fear, my terror of death and dying, I attended a workshop where we wrote about how we wanted to die. For a good death, I wrote, I would be lying in lush grass, under the open sky, near a forest with ferns. With friends nearby, I would listen to the sweet sounds of my favorite bugle calls, Tattoo and Taps.<\/span>
\n“You’re pretty preoccupied with death these days,” a friend accused. Yes, I agreed. Because, maybe if I made a project of it, I could lose my terror.<\/span><\/p>\n

But back to that morning, with the ant. It was writhing in slow motion, making me queasy about facing breakfast\u2014and suddenly it stopped moving.<\/span><\/p>\n

I stared at the lifeless insect. All I wanted was to suck the critter up into the depths of the dust-buster, to get rid of it. But I couldn\u2019t do that after spending months preparing to sit vigil and help the dying. Hoping there was still time for the bug\u2019s last moments, I used a teaspoon to sweep it into an empty yogurt container. And holding it at arm\u2019s length, I ran outside and gently shook the poor creature out onto the grass.<\/span><\/p>\n

The ant slid out, landing on its feet. It took off creeping. For a moment I watched it climb shakily from blade to blade of dewy grass. I watched as butterflies and dragonflies flew by. Until it hit me\u2014I\u2019d saved a life. Because of my preoccupation with death. Maybe then I felt just the tiniest bit better about bugs and death in general.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What creeps you out? What does a good death mean for you?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The biggest ant I ever saw was flat on its back on my kitchen counter. It was waving its little limbs frantically when I went to bed that night too tired to deal with it. In the morning the intrepid ant was still there. When I put on my glasses, I could see it was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1432],"tags":[1552,1655,1656,1630,1657],"class_list":["post-2218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1432","tag-a-good-death","tag-bug-phobia","tag-facing-fear","tag-fear-of-death","tag-preoccupied-with-death"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t