{"id":2289,"date":"2018-11-12T07:24:10","date_gmt":"2018-11-12T12:24:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=2289"},"modified":"2018-11-13T07:43:24","modified_gmt":"2018-11-13T12:43:24","slug":"continuing-bonds-continued","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/continuing-bonds-continued\/","title":{"rendered":"Continuing Bonds Continued"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Robin<\/a>\u201cI\u2019m over that. Done. I\u2019ve moved on,\u201d said a friend, about her child who died years before. Great for her, I thought, not able to imagine ever even wanting to be \u201cdone\u201d with my own daughter, gone over 7 \u00bd years now. Actually, I\u2019ve been carrying my Marika\u2014whatever I could find left of her to hang onto\u2014since she died. Different things work for different people.<\/span><\/p>\n

A griever\u2019s mental status used to be questioned if one held on to the memory of a loved one too long. Mercifully, someone came up with a modern grief theory called Continuing Bonds<\/a>. It is now considered acceptable to create an enduring relationship with a deceased loved one as a way of coping and finding comfort while continuing to live one\u2019s life. Even as one\u2019s life changes with the loss. It is okay to stay connected. And it\u2019s normal for these relationships to grow and change over time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Continuing Bonds<\/a> came instinctively to me. A matter of my own survival, it began the day after Marika died, when I collapsed, devastated, onto her bed, desperate to breathe in her scent and see the world from where she saw it. At first, I needed to wear what she wore, and hold what she held. That led to doing what she did, and loving what she loved. All the things that were part of her life, that I hadn\u2019t understood or cared for\u2014like writing, photography, blogging and posting on Facebook, making up tunes to play on instruments\u2014I ended up finding myself drawn to. Doing these things daily now, I am living a life my daughter would have loved. It makes me feel forever linked to her.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are many ways to maintain ties after the loss of someone who was the light of your life. I wanted to know what Continuing Bonds<\/a> looked like for others. Not much is written about this because each person approaches it differently. It looks like the widow who still talks to her husband of fifty years, or the bereaved parents who keep their child\u2019s room as it was before death\u2014in order to have a special place to feel close to him. Some people start foundations and community events to honor their loved ones. Some look to their deceased loved one for inspiration in trying new things. Some create meaningful personal rituals, or works of art. Others continue their loved one\u2019s work. Many try to live in a way that would make their beloved proud.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Moving on” can be good. Maybe that\u2019s what living is all about. But we learn from the ones we love and think we lost. Whether or not we choose to \u2018carry them with us\u2019 into the next chapters of our lives, I\u2019m pretty sure that simply having loved them turns us into better people.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What do you think about keeping connected to a deceased loved one? <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“I’m over that. Done. I’ve moved on,” said a friend, about her child who died years before. Great for her, I thought, not able to imagine ever even wanting to be “done” with my own daughter, gone over 7 ½ years now. Actually, I’ve been carrying my Marika—whatever I could find left of her to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1432],"tags":[494,1521,1730,1187,1728,64,1729,1727,1522],"class_list":["post-2289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1432","tag-child-loss","tag-continuing-bonds","tag-continuing-bonds-continued","tag-coping-with-grief","tag-deceased-loved-ones","tag-healing-from-loss","tag-modern-grief-theory","tag-moving-on","tag-staying-connected"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2289","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2289"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2289\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}