{"id":2435,"date":"2019-04-08T07:30:46","date_gmt":"2019-04-08T11:30:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=2435"},"modified":"2019-04-07T19:54:12","modified_gmt":"2019-04-07T23:54:12","slug":"continuing-a-relationship-after-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/continuing-a-relationship-after-death\/","title":{"rendered":"Continuing a Relationship After Death"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>\u201cBecome all the things you love about the one you lost.\u201d This was a post that appeared on Facebook recently. Shortly after finding it, I discovered that one of my favorite authors, Alexandra Fuller, wrote a new memoir, Travel Light, Move Fast,<\/u> that suggests the same idea. Due out in August, its description begins:<\/span><\/p>\n

After her father\u2019s sudden death, Alexandra Fuller realizes that if she is going to weather this loss, she will need to become the parts of him she misses most.<\/span><\/p>\n

You may be wondering, how does one \u2018become the parts of\u2019 someone else? This is something I\u2019ve been practicing ever since my daughter Marika died eight years ago. Broken and miserable, first I wanted to die too. But I got distracted from that as I searched through all Marika\u2019s belongings to learn everything I could about her. Then I made desperate efforts to honor, imitate, follow, dress like and eat like my daughter. She sang, so I sang. She wrote, so I began writing. She was courageous so I tried to be less fearful. She loved photography, so … Allowing my daughter to inspire me, I simply did what she did and learned to love what she loved, until I could barely remember my life as it was before.<\/span><\/p>\n

Holding on<\/a> to Marika and continuing a relationship after death was the only way I could survive. It has turned me into a better person. A happier person. Having incorporated different parts of her life into my own life, I carry her with me as I continue to participate in the world. This is one approach to the Continuing Bonds<\/a> grief theory that is based on redefining or creating a new relationship with a deceased loved one rather than detaching oneself and moving on from the loss.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I think of myself as the mother who swallowed her daughter<\/a> , and then really became alive herself. I am here now because of Marika. When I found who she had been, I discovered who I could be.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Who would you die for? Who would you live for? Who would you change your entire self for, to keep alive and present in your life?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Become all the things you love about the one you lost.” This was a post that appeared on Facebook recently. Shortly after finding it, I discovered that one of my favorite authors, Alexandra Fuller, wrote a new memoir, Travel Light, Move Fast, that suggests the same idea. Due out in August, its description begins: After […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1758],"tags":[1848,1853,1847,1850,866,1202,1851,1849,1846,1852],"class_list":["post-2435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1758","tag-alexandra-fuller","tag-continuing-a-relationship-after-death","tag-continuing-bonds-grief","tag-creative-ways-to-remember-a-loved-one","tag-death-and-dying","tag-grief-journey","tag-i-am-me-because-of-you","tag-keep-your-loved-ones-memory-alive","tag-losing-someone-you-love","tag-love-lives-on"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t