{"id":595,"date":"2014-08-25T07:43:32","date_gmt":"2014-08-25T11:43:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=595"},"modified":"2014-08-25T11:49:35","modified_gmt":"2014-08-25T15:49:35","slug":"anger-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/anger-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Anger After Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-596 size-large\" title=\"Anger After Loss\" src=\"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/swallowing-anger-824x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Anger After Loss, Robin Botie in Ithaca, New York, letting go of inner anger\" width=\"625\" height=\"776\" \/>Around the table <a href=\"http:\/\/www.hospicare.org\/grief-support-groups\" target=\"_blank\">bereaved friends<\/a> spoke of anger. I listened as I scoured the closets of my mind for some story of my own anger. I found none. When my turn came to share I told them that, not wholly believing it myself.<br \/>\n\u201cI need to get in touch with my inner anger,\u201d I said, joking as the group disbanded shortly after. But it was not a joke. Across the clouded screen in my head subtitles flashed, \u201cIn Denial.\u201d Because who was I to escape anger? Isn\u2019t anger one of the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.griefhealingblog.com\/2012\/01\/is-anger-one-of-stages-of-grief.html\" target=\"_blank\">stages of grief<\/a>? I would be a rare case if I didn\u2019t harbor some anger after loss. Most likely I had simply not faced it yet.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis is very rare,\u201d my doctor said, the next day. He put down my files and waited for my reaction. I sat in silence trying to picture the redundant crisscrossing, floppy colon he was describing. My colon.<br \/>\n\u201cI\u2019m a rare case?\u201d I asked, like maybe I\u2019d won a great prize. But really I was wondering, <em>Why me?<\/em> My stomach was rumbling. <em>I already gave<\/em>, I told myself, as in: <em>I already gave up my <a href=\"http:\/\/www.compassionatefriends.org\/about_us.aspx\" target=\"_blank\">daughter who died<\/a> of cancer. <\/em>As in: <em>here I am trying to live my life bigger and better and how am I supposed to do that when I\u2019m losing my health? And why is it that the more tests you doctors do, the more diagnoses I\u2019m given? I\u2019m still suffering from my original symptoms. <\/em>And:<em> I\u2019m not angry; I\u2019m just scared for my life.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em> Because maybe I\u2019ve swallowed my anger for so long that it\u2019s turned my insides floppy, upside down and backwards. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Around the table bereaved friends spoke of anger. I listened as I scoured the closets of my mind for some story of my own anger. I found none. When my turn came to share I told them that, not wholly believing it myself. &ldquo;I need to get in touch with my inner anger,&rdquo; I said, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[225,227,230,106,228,231,229,226],"class_list":["post-595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1","tag-anger-after-loss","tag-in-denial","tag-is-anger-one-of-the-stages-of-grief","tag-life-after-loss","tag-losing-my-health","tag-scared-for-my-life","tag-suffering-from-loss","tag-swallowing-anger"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=595"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}