{"id":60,"date":"2013-06-10T05:49:32","date_gmt":"2013-06-10T05:49:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=60"},"modified":"2014-01-22T11:07:07","modified_gmt":"2014-01-22T11:07:07","slug":"healing-from-grief-close-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/healing-from-grief-close-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Healing from Grief Close Up"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"TULIPEYES\"<\/a>\u201cUse the macro setting on your camera,\u201d says Kathy, teaching the photojournalism class at TC3. \u201cSee how close you can get and still maintain focus.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy camera doesn\u2019t have that,\u201d I insist, afraid if I press the menu button I\u2019ll never return to normal function again.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook for the tulip icon,\u201d says Trent, the student sitting nearby. \u201cSee, you have it. Just click on the tulip.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhoa, um \u2026 thanks.\u201d I plant the camera before my face to hide my sheepish glee. Then I take shots of my pack, my shoe, the computer and Trent. \u201cHey, it goes back to regular focus when I turn the camera off,\u201d I say in disbelief. My world has just expanded and I still have some control.<\/p>\n

The next day I take my camera with its newfound tulip button to my mother\u2019s house in Massachusetts where I hover intimately close over flowers and a moth stunned by the rains. I peer into a cup of latte, discover caverns in my cake, and bend low to photograph my feet. I stalk the yarn store cat.<\/p>\n

When I step closer to my sister to capture her blue eyes I find they have turned green. When I hold my hand in front of the camera I notice my nails need a manicure. With my new tulip-eyes I see things I never noticed or thought about before.\u00a0 The past three years I have missed the intricate perfection in the world. Up close there is more beauty to be found. There are smudges and flaws.<\/p>\n

I wonder what else I\u2019ve missed since I was blindsided by grief. And why am I so desperate to hang onto normal all the time?<\/p>\n

Step Closer
\nSong by Marika Warden<\/p>\n

I close my eyes,
\nGo somewhere far away.
\nIt\u2019s no surprise
\nYou\u2019re standing in my way.
\nI turn to memories,
\nI turn to happy days.
\nI can\u2019t rewind, instead my mind replays.
\nStep closer.\u00a0 Come a little closer,
\nCome a little closer,
\nCome a little closer.
\nStep closer.
\nStep closer.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t pretend
\nThere\u2019s something far from here.
\nIt\u2019s not the end,
\nJust whisper in my ear.
\nIt\u2019s not reality,
\nThere\u2019s nothing I can\u2019t do.
\nIt\u2019s just a fantasy. \u2018Cause I am here with you.
\nGet closer.\u00a0 Come a little closer,
\nCome a little closer,
\nCome a little closer.
\nGet closer.<\/p>\n

GET CLOSER!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Use the macro setting on your camera,” says Kathy, teaching the photojournalism class at TC3. “See how close you can get and still maintain focus.” “My camera doesn’t have that,” I insist, afraid if I press the menu button I’ll never return to normal function again. “Look for the tulip icon,” says Trent, the student […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-25"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t