{"id":626,"date":"2014-09-29T09:40:10","date_gmt":"2014-09-29T13:40:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=626"},"modified":"2020-02-11T06:56:15","modified_gmt":"2020-02-11T11:56:15","slug":"dies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/dies\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Say When Someone Dies"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"What<\/a>The email said, \u201cI lost my daughter Emily two years ago when she was 22.\u201d
\nIt came from a stranger, through Twitter. The public nature of social media sites makes responding with condolences so awkward. For a long while I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, watching the blank space where my message would be printed.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy husband died<\/a>\u201d and \u201cMy dog<\/a> Bones was my best friend\u201d and \u201cMy brother passed last week\u201d are messages I get that make me want to dive into my computer, zoom through cyberspace to grab hold of these fellow grievers<\/a>, and hug. If I could be there I would sit next to them in silence, ready to listen or to simply share the sad space around us.<\/p>\n

After \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I don\u2019t have a stock set of lines for communicating to others who grieve<\/a>. So much depends on the circumstances and on my relationship to the heartbroken person. But any response is better than no response. And even replying to a stranger, there are basic things to consider: like how to acknowledge the pain and let this person know I care. It has to be honest and heartfelt. It\u2019s all about being supportive. It\u2019s about the one who is left, not the one who died. And it\u2019s not about my own experience, no matter how similar that may be.<\/p>\n

It only takes a line or two: I am sorry. I am thinking of you. I will keep Emily in my thoughts today. I am here for you if you need me. I am wishing you peace. These are some of the things I might say or write. If I have a connection or memory to the one this person loves I will share it. And I will use the name of the loved one who died. When my own daughter died, hearing others\u2019 stories about her and the sound of her name gave me comfort.<\/p>\n

And maybe there\u2019s a gentle way to let the person who is grieving know I\u2019m available to listen. This is tricky through Twitter although Compassionate Friends<\/a> does it all the time on Facebook. Reading the email I wondered, how did her daughter die? I wanted to ask but knew it was not appropriate.
\nBut I decided I could ask, \u201cHow did Emily live?\u201d<\/p>\n

How did the one you are missing live?
\nPlease visit my Garden of Loved Lives on HOME page<\/a>. It\u2019s starting to grow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The email said, “I lost my daughter Emily two years ago when she was 22.” It came from a stranger, through Twitter. The public nature of social media sites makes responding with condolences so awkward. For a long while I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, watching the blank space where my message would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[266,267,265,188,263,264],"class_list":["post-626","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1","tag-email-condolences","tag-helping-grieving-friends","tag-messages-of-support","tag-my-daughter-died","tag-sending-words-of-comfort","tag-what-to-say-when-someone-dies"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=626"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=626"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=626"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=626"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}