{"id":692,"date":"2014-12-15T05:56:15","date_gmt":"2014-12-15T10:56:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=692"},"modified":"2014-12-15T09:10:38","modified_gmt":"2014-12-15T14:10:38","slug":"marika-warden-sings-over-rainbow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/marika-warden-sings-over-rainbow\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Over the Rainbow&#8221; Video"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube-nocookie.com\/embed\/NCN1vf844vI?rel=0\" width=\"960\" height=\"720\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>\u201cIs that to go priority or certified mail?\u201d the clerk asked, eyeing the carefully wrapped package I clutched to my chest.<br \/>\nI would have been sending my daughter off to nursing school in Australia. Instead, I am sending the DVD of her singing &#8220;Over the Rainbow&#8221; made 8 \u00bd months before she died, to my web-master, at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.ameriwebhosting.com\" target=\"_blank\">Ameriweb Hosting<\/a>. For weeks I\u2019d put this off, afraid to lose my only copy of Marika\u2019s DVD. Then, sitting over dinner with friends who all had daughters coming and going, achieving and shining, I just wanted to talk about my daughter too.<br \/>\n\u201cWay to kill the party, mom,\u201d a small voice hummed from the back of my head.<\/p>\n<p>Okay. She\u2019s been dead over 3 \u00bd years so there\u2019s nothing new to share.<br \/>\n\u201cBut I\u2019m so proud of you,\u201d I tell her life-sized portrait later. And inside me, she is still alive and singing. From not-so-deep within she tells me, \u201cGo for it, mom,\u201d when I pause to consider a red dress in a mail-order catalog. She says, \u201cSushi for dinner?\u201d Now she\u2019s saying, \u201cWay to go, mom. You just showed all your readers how <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mamapedia.com\/voices\/9-signs-you-might-be-going-insane\" target=\"_blank\">insane<\/a> you are\u201d and \u201cMom, TMI.\u201d (Too Much Information)<\/p>\n<p>Wait. I do not play the video over and over again. In fact, it took a long time before I could even watch this performance from the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.eacmsi.org\" target=\"_blank\">EAC Montessori School of Ithaca<\/a> 30<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary Musical\/Reunion though I knew she always loved being seen and heard (please watch it). I am already filled with Marika. Her voice and starry eyes are the film through which I see the world.<\/p>\n<p>Call me the crazy-lady. Maybe I deserve that title because for years, that\u2019s how I labeled too many others. The ones who lost children and seemed to lose their own souls. The ones that looked liked they\u2019d fallen to Earth from the edge of space, broken the sound barrier, their hearts, and every moving part of themselves in the fall. Is that what I look like now?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDoes it get better? Do you ever not think of your child?\u201d I asked for months of everyone I found who\u2019d lost a kid. And it turns out I\u2019m doing nothing that eons of bereaved mothers haven\u2019t done before. Only I\u2019m coming out about it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&ldquo;Is that to go priority or certified mail?&rdquo; the clerk asked, eyeing the carefully wrapped package I clutched to my chest. I would have been sending my daughter off to nursing school in Australia. Instead, I am sending the DVD of her singing &ldquo;Over the Rainbow&rdquo; made 8 &frac12; months before she died, to my [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[213,347,348,353,350,351,349,352],"class_list":["post-692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1","tag-bereaved-mothers","tag-coming-out-about-depression","tag-crazy-lady","tag-over-the-rainbow-video","tag-parting-with-loved-ones","tag-proud-of-my-daughter","tag-putting-off-grieving","tag-talking-to-deceased"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/692","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=692"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/692\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=692"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=692"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=692"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}