{"id":704,"date":"2014-12-08T09:15:11","date_gmt":"2014-12-08T14:15:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/?p=704"},"modified":"2014-12-09T10:29:27","modified_gmt":"2014-12-09T15:29:27","slug":"progressive-memory-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robinbotie.com\/blog\/progressive-memory-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Progressive Memory Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Progressive<\/a>\u201cI TOLD you these progressive glasses would not be easy to get used to. DON\u2019T you remember?\u201d the woman at the optician\u2019s sounded defensive.
\n\u201cWell, I have no memory of-,\u201d I stopped. I couldn\u2019t argue. \u201cThanks anyway,\u201d I said curtly, and left before I could explode.
\nThe truth is anyone can tell me she told me something, anything, and I would not be able to say for certain whether she did or did not. The only things I remember for sure are the blue veins like tiny trees on my daughter\u2019s lavender eyelids as she lay unconscious in the ICU four years ago. And her red-painted toenails. And the invincible feeling that Marika could endlessly pull off miracles each time she almost lost her life. And then I remember the crushing words from the doctors that finally compelled me to put down the Ken Follett<\/a> novel I was reading and memorize my daughter\u2019s face instead.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t remember any of it,\u201d I said to Jill Swenson<\/a>, book development agent, a year after my daughter died, when I\u2019d written a long love-letter to Marika thinking I was writing a memoir about our journey through the wilds of cancer.
\n\u201cIf you can\u2019t remember the facts of what happened, you can\u2019t write a memoir,\u201d Jill said, smiling incredulously. Then, queasy with headaches, I kicked myself to read through my daughter\u2019s blog<\/a> posts, paperwork from the hospital, my sister\u2019s weekly email newsletters from the bleak days of cancer, and my own daily-calendar books, to whack my memory back. Soon there were enough memories to fuel three years of writing, 200 pages, and 60,800 words. Ratted-up tissues littered the floor and my eyes turned red as all the things I wanted to forget rewound and replayed in my head.<\/p>\n

Recently I attended Snap!, a true story of a young woman\u2019s decent into mental illness, written and performed by Ithaca storyteller Regi Carpenter<\/a>. Before she got locked up in a state mental hospital, losing chunks of her memory was Regi\u2019s first sign that something was wrong. So sometimes I wonder if I am losing my mind.
\nI am not afraid of being crazy. Writing down what I want to remember now, I am not afraid of forgetting what I ate or what I read or was told. What I AM afraid of is being hurtful to another. Because I\u2019ve learned that what life throws at you hurts enough without people adding to it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI will make these work,\u201d I stubbornly tell myself, repositioning the progressive eyeglasses and my chin over tiny print. I\u2019ve survived the death of my daughter. I\u2019ve been through hell and back; I can do anything now.
\nWarning: I will walk out on you if you say to me, \u201cDON\u2019T you remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Is memory loss a symptom of grief and does anyone else suffer from this?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“I TOLD you these progressive glasses would not be easy to get used to. DON’T you remember?” the woman at the optician’s sounded defensive. “Well, I have no memory of-,” I stopped. I couldn’t argue. “Thanks anyway,” I said curtly, and left before I could explode. The truth is anyone can tell me she told […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[344,345,346,342,343,337,338,354,341,340,195,72],"class_list":["post-704","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1","tag-afraid-of-being-crazy","tag-been-through-hell-and-back","tag-i-can-do-anything","tag-losing-chunks-of-memory","tag-losing-my-mind","tag-memory-loss","tag-progressive-glasses","tag-progressive-memory-loss","tag-regi-carpenter","tag-snap","tag-what-life-throws-at-you","tag-writing-a-memoir"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t