Do not tell me I’m the only one emailing a dead daughter. I could not have invented this idea myself.
When my daughter Marika was alive, I never saw her Facebook page. And she emailed me only once, to share photos of her new puppy, no words. Last week, clearing out my emailbox, I found that old email. So I sent a reply back. The poor computer churned as it tried to deliver my message. But it stopped eventually, and I sent a second message, expecting the inevitable automatic notices stating the messages were undeliverable. Checking my Sent Box, I saw my emails were indeed delivered. You might be thinking this is silly. It is. And it’s sad. Because before Marika died I did not tell her goodbye or I love you. And last week, in the emails, I did.
So today I’m emailing Marika the mushy-gooshiest Valentine I can conjure up in Photoshop. You’re shaking your head, saying, “Poor Robin’s gone ranting-off-the-roof crazy.” You’re wincing, thinking Valentine’s Day is such a dopey, over-commercialized holiday. But for those of us who don’t often say I Love You, it’s an opportunity to show our love. Inspired by my love for my daughter, I spent hours making this valentine. So after I email it to Marika, I’ll post it to friends on Facebook, and mail it off to family members who don’t have sweethearts this year. Anyone who wants to is welcome to copy and send it to whomever, living or dead.
After all, like the Crosby, Stills & Nash song says, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one[s] you’re with.”
What do you do when you’ve lost someone you used to spoil on Valentine’s Day? Does anyone else ever send emails to their dead loved one?
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I saved all the emails Vic sent to me and he loved email. I had my son back up his laptop on a hard drive when the laptop when to computer heaven so I have all the emails he sent to anyone if he didn’t delete them. I haven’t looked at that laptop once, but I’m glad I have it. Different relationship and different issues, but the need to feel in touch is similar. Valentine’s Day is my younger son’s birthday, so that day was dedicated to celebrating him. It’s not a day that tugs at my heart like a few others. It’s good to celebrate LOVE.
I’m still working on “computer heaven.” And I’m definitely awed by people who save all their emails. You probably have enough to write another book with those saved emails.
Happy Val’s Day to you and happy birthday wishes to your son. What a jolly day to birth a baby. Lots of love.
Dear Robin,
I sent half a dozen letters to Dick after he passed away, discussing things we never could talk about when he was alive and telling him that I truly did love him, shortcomings and all. It was very therapeutic. I still have these letters and reread them from time to time.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Love,
Annette
Letter-writing to a loved one who has died is definitely healing, Annette. Used to be you’d get locked in the loonybin for that. But someone somewhere, luckily, decided it was a good idea. Because a lot of people do it, I’m hearing. On Facebook, I asked if I was the only one emailing a dead child. And it’s amazing to me how many parents are emailing their children who died. Seems that no matter what I do to keep a relationship going with my dead daughter, someone else has done it.
I love your super mushy Valentine, Robin. And I love your message that Valentines Day is that it’s not for lovers only! I love the idea of your Valentine for Marika floating around in cyberspace – that really spreading the Love!
Floating around in cyberspace, yes, Margaret. I posted it in a few places and it was shared and sent all over and back. Still dizzy from it and trying to answer all the responses it got. Happy Valentines Day to you, Margaret. If this freezing weather ever stops, I’ll see you on the trails. Cheers!
Oh honey… Yes, I had a boyfriend kill himself in the 80’s. I still think of him on special occasions, & Valentine’s Day was one of our favorite spoil each other crazy-time events. So, I TOTALLY get your latest & greatest blog. I love u for sharing it all w/us, & ADORE the Valentine u created. Thank u for sharing it w/us. It’s the BEST!! Of course- anything with/bunnies turns me on!!! ? & Happy Valentine’s Day to u… Sending a HUGE hug.
I’m wishing you a Happy Valentines Day, WendyBunny, and I’m so grateful for your support. I love what one can do when inspired by love. And I know the devastation that love can create at times. Having your love commit suicide must have smashed you to smithereens. The amazing highs and the horrific lows. Hugs to you, Wendy.