Keep moving, keep busy. That’s how I got through the holidays last year, my first holidays without my daughter. Mid-November starts my crazy season of trying to be everywhere at once in an effort to avoid being home, alone and miserable. This year, with my son in Afghanistan and my friends leaving town for Thanksgiving to be with family members elsewhere, it’s a perfect set-up for a panic attack. And I almost had one. But I have a responsibility now to put out my weekly blog about healing, taking care of oneself, and finding life again after loss. Falling apart and drowning in sorrow for more than twenty minutes or so at a time is unproductive, and not worthy of blogging about.
There are options. For Thanksgiving, I could help out at a local soup kitchen. I could go to lots of movies and get Chinese takeouts. I could hope for a last minute invitation somewhere. Or I can make a special time at home just for myself. And Suki.
This year, I choose to renew my relationship with holidays and home. And recognize the many things I still have to be grateful for. Thanksgiving is a good time to focus on what I have, rather than on all I have lost.
So I will gather a small feast at Wegmans, with a honey-brined turkey, chocolate, candles and wine. I’ll play with Suki, go for walks around the pond, experiment with the camera. There are two simple but long deferred projects I am ready to spend time with. And if Suki will leave me a little space on the couch to camp out with a good book or a DVD, I will be cozy and content, at least until the Black Friday Midnight Madness sale begins at the mall.