How do You Define Yourself?

How do You Define Yourself? - Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, defines herself as a bereaved mother, forever.A Bereaved Mother. Is that how you’re going to define yourself forever? A friend asked me this. And for a long while the question bothered me. Mostly because it seemed to suggest I’d lost my self as well as my daughter. But A Bereaved Mother is not all of who I am. When my daughter died I lost my old life, and in many ways I changed. Yet I am still me. And if you ask me who or what that is, you will get only an abbreviated account of where I stand at that one moment in time.

And yes, being a mother is forever. I am a proud mother of an amazing live grown son and of a beloved daughter who died. This will always be towards the beginning of the complex outline of how I define myself.

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4 thoughts on “How do You Define Yourself?

  1. Stephanie

    Robin, 12 years later at 63 & separated…I still define myself the same as you. Wanting to Continue to honour her short 10 yr life as I age is a struggle. Tessa died of Cancer as well, her friend since JK are still following me on social media and I comment on their lives but constantly wonder…What if she was 22 yrs old and what would she be doing.
    She loved all creatures, at one time we had a Menagerie of 2 Cats (18 yr old Silver tabby still with me) 1 Dog, 1 Canary and 2 Betta fish. My nature loving girl, full of Wonder.
    So YES, I am a bereaved Mother. Until we meet again.

    1. Robin Botie Post author

      Stephanie, I think I’m getting to understand what you mean when you write that wanting to continue to honour your daughter’s short life is becoming a struggle as you age. Nine years out for me, I have changed so much in my life for my Marika. I don’t know how much more I can do, or change for her. I desperately need to drag along the ghost of her because to completely lose her is unthinkable. Too terrible. Yet, life is calling, other things are calling to me. And there are time I can barely remember how she sounded, or how it was to simply see her shining face. I can’t hang on to everything. But there are some things I have to trust will never let go of me. Yes, we are bereaved mothers for life. I believe that will color our joys and our sadnesses forever.


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