New Journeys to Healing

FULLMOONCAMPFIRE2At a Full Moon campfire I watch a friend’s daughter and remember my own daughter Marika Warden who died of leukemia at age 21

I wish I could make last Monday disappear. I wish I could take back the EF-5 tornado, give back the lives lost, and say it was only a nightmare. But as the people of Moore, Ohio and others newly bereaved begin the long journey to healing from loss, I can only offer this:  the pain you can’t imagine living with will soften and you will feel better in time.

Shortly after my daughter died, one thing I tried was “bookmarking” a special time or place for her memory. I chose the full moon. So whenever I saw a full moon or an almost-full moon I would think about my daughter. To this day, on moonlit nights when I walk the dog I sing or talk to Marika.

I think about her a lot even when there’s no moon. At first, if an hour went by or a day went by that I didn’t think of her, I felt remorse. When I started to find things in my new life without her to smile or laugh about, feelings of guilt crept over me. At one point I asked myself, “Did Marika ever like seeing me unhappy or suffering?” No. Even my feisty daughter with her anger issues and attitude was in her best mood when her mother was happy. She would want me to enjoy my life now.

So when I get an invitation to a full moon campfire I grab my opportunity to have fun and remember my daughter at the same time.

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2 thoughts on “New Journeys to Healing

  1. Sandy Vehrencamp

    I can totally relate to bookmarking the moon! My deceased daughter was into Wicca, and her journals were full of invocations to the Moon Goddess. I think of my daughter whenever I’m out at night and see the moon, at all phases, which reflect the waning and waxing that her tumultuous life cycled through.

    1. Robin Botie Post author

      I’m so glad I met you, Sandy. When I look at the moon, I often see a face. Sometimes I see my daughter, but now I know there is another moon princess. Your daughter. For all their previous tumultuosness (it OUGHT to be a real word), the moon offers such a peaceful presence. I like to think our princesses are somewhere out there dancing and telling stories and watching the moon together. Cheers!


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