Tag Archives: dealing with loss on Thanksgiving

Altered Horizons 27

Altered Horizons 27 Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops fabricated landscapes to deal with her depression and cope with loss during the Thanksgiving holiday.

There are many pieces to this holiday, Thanksgiving. I used to be into it solely for the feasting until I had children and discovered the part about being grateful and generous. Then, after my daughter died and I lost my gratitude and graciousness for a while, I dreaded holidays. It took a long time to discover that the caring of others was what would fix my battered heart. Thanksgivings became warm welcome gatherings as family and/or friends assembled to celebrate and commiserate, to listen and to share.

This week’s fabricated landscape is an assemblage of images I gathered together from several different outings I took with my photography class this semester. At the Old Souls Home in Owego, NY I found (and later reshaped in Photoshop) an antique golden frame and a set of old tin tart pans. The bristly scrub brush was lying abandoned on a windowsill at Cornell’s Hydroplant. The grates and grills were at Cornell’s Lake Source Cooling Plant. I photoshopped the fluted outer frame from a tractor’s yellow-painted running board that I photographed at University Sand and Gravel in Brooktondale, NY. As in many Thanksgiving gatherings, the collection of characters may be eclectic but the mix makes for a cozy coming together anyway.

 

REPLY TO ROBIN

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving from Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photographs her dog in front of the new fake fireplace she gifted herself for Thanksgiving.The Skinny Winnie Fireplace/Heater that I gifted myself for Thanksgiving, arrived with a big scratch on its painted front. Its mantel-top became unglued and fell off in the process of my trying to remove the unit from the packaging. And then, there was a slight problem getting it to stand upright. But once it got unpacked, there was no way the fireplace was going to be sent back. Even scraped, unglued, and off-kilter. I was hell-bent on having the thing installed and running before Turkey Day. Sensing my determination, a devoted friend came over to help put it in place.

My Thanksgiving is not supposed to be a food-frenzy this year. Invited to another devoted friend’s Thanksgiving dinner, I am simply going to cook a tiny turkey breast for myself, and maybe a sweet potato dish, so I can have traditional leftovers for the weekend. The fake fireplace is to distract me with comforts other than food at this difficult time of the year, the time when some of us who have suffered great losses question what we really need, what we want, and what we have to be grateful for.

So my dog and I are basking in light and warmth. At this moment, I’m feeling very blessed. And I’m wishing everyone lots of light and warmth, and devoted friends.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

What’s your favorite thing about Thanksgiving?

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Holiday Tips for Grievers

Holiday Tips for Grievers - Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops herself joyfull greeting the image of her dead daughter walking through the door.If my daughter were to show up at my door on Thanksgiving Day I’d hug her howling, laughing, dancing, throwing myself at her. It would look like the videos on Facebook of veterans returning home being greeted by their old loving dogs.
Then, after the emotional reunion, I’d merrily mess around in the kitchen all day fixing her favorite foods and stuffing the fridge to last a whole week. I’d make her 3 different cranberry relishes and the recipe of pumpkin ice cream pie I found online last week. She would tear the breadcrumbs for the stuffing and make a carrot cake. If she were here the house would have flowers and candles. We were foodies together. And this was our holiday.

Damn it. If I have to cry my way through it, I AM gonna make a pie on Thanksgiving this year. Wegmans can make the turkey and Roses Home Dish can make the sides, but I will make cranberry sauces and pie. There will be leftover-turkey enchiladas and wines for my son who will be asleep upstairs while I work wailing in the kitchen.

This will be the 4th Thanksgiving without Marika. I think I’m learning how to handle this.

Convinced that one can grieve and be grateful at the same time, I’m calling it Thanksgrieving.

So here are my tips:

  1. Treat yourself like you’re the guest. Be good to yourself because a part of the one you love now lives on inside of you. Our beloveds won’t be seated at the table but they are seated in our hearts. So carry on the way (s)he would have wanted.
  2. Allow yourself to cry. Let the pain run out in tears. Pull out old photos, phone your sister in Florida to reminisce, chop onions, and cry like a lemon being juiced.
  3. If you can’t find something to be thankful for, go do something nice for another. In 3½ years of mourning my daughter, I found the most joy always comes from giving someone else something to be grateful about.

So go do this holiday, my friends. You are not alone.

What do you love and remember on Thanksgiving? And who is in your heart?

REPLY TO ROBIN