Tag Archives: upended life

Altered Horizons 69

Altered Horizons 69 Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops fabricated landscapes in dealing with depression and coping with change.

“You’re gonna have a great new life, Meena-Mouse,” I told the quivering mouse in the Hav-a-Heart trap as we approached a nice shady spot in the grass by a stream. “You take care of yourself little-one. There’s a food store right over there and if you follow the stream you’ll come to houses nearby.” I held the cage up to examine Meena one last time.

In addition to the Trader Joe’s Organic peanut butter I’d used to lure the poor creature into the trap, I’d fed it oats, bits of chocolate, and blueberries cut in half. I’d stuffed pieces of tissue through the top of the trap so it could have a soft bed. And first thing in the morning I’d driven down off my hill with the mouse in the trap, carefully secured in the passenger seat, so it wouldn’t be caged up any longer than necessary.

The last few mice I’d let loose had frantically clung to the trap with their tiny feet. That had freaked me. I’d had to clunk the trap on the ground several times to get the mouse to drop out, to go free. This time I was prepared for that. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the mouse immediately springing out with a fast flying leap—right into the water.

For this week’s fabricated landscape, I flipped a photo of trees reflected at the edge of my pond. The frame was pieced together in Photoshop from a warm scarf.

Altered Horizons 68

Altered Horizons 68 Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops fabricated landscapes to deal with depression and loss.

Altered Horizons. Due to loss ,everything in my life has been altered, changed to some different reality. Not by choice. After being crushed by grief for so long, it is comforting to create small worlds and set horizon lines that reflect my eye level and personal physical position in the scene. In creating these fabricated landscapes, I can choose and control. I can build stability and balance, if only on my computer screen.

This shot was taken standing on the shores of Kezar Lake at Quisisana Resort in Maine. In Photoshop I changed the colors, and then flipped the image upside down so the water became hills, and the sandy beach turned into a sky. Burning the color from a circular patch in the “sky,” I created a full moon.

Altered Horizons 68

Altered Horizons 67

Altered Horizons 67 Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops fabricated landscapes in dealing with depression and learning to live with loss.

I don’t want to live on the moon; the light is too beautiful right here on earth.

In my fabricated landscape of the week, a tarred road and its shoulder become the sky and land. In the sky I pasted an image of a Queen Anne’s lace flower that many consider to be an invasive weed. I think it makes a magnificent moon.

Altered Horizons 65

Altered Horizons 65 Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops fabricated landscapes to deal with depression and cope with loss.

Being fully present. Listening. Reflecting. That is my job now, as a grief facilitator. I recognize that the griever’s pain is theirs, is necessary, is beautiful, is now. It is not forever.

Giving the grieving ones the dignity of experiencing their own pain, I must be a respectful witness to that pain, not a participant. Not a sponge. Not a healer or fixer.

Just being there is everything.

The ragged bark of a tree I upended in Photoshop and the still pond reflecting the deep sky. Combining these two images, I was reminded of sitting with a person in the throes of heartbreaking loss.

 

Altered Horizons 65

Altered Horizons 64

Altered Horizons 64 Robin botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops fabricated landscapes in dealing with depression and coping with change and loss.

No one could quite identify the huge tree at the far end of my property. It was surrounded by the thickest thicket and wetland scrub so we could only view it, its top, from a distance. For years I’d wanted to mow up to that tree but the land was too swampy to get anywhere near with a mower. Also, the field was riddled with the downed trunks of huge trees, cut when I built my house at the turn of the century.

In the middle of the heatwave and dry spell, the landscapers agreed to try clearing the field. It was one of those days when I hardly dared to go outside for fear of being fried. But the landscapers called to me, they’d reached the tree. (Although the bulldozer had half sunk in the still-wet land.)

It was a shagbark hickory. My favorite for photo-shopping fabricated landscapes. Snaking around behind the tree was a small murky creek. And under the tree’s canopy were two rocks, large enough to sit on. I greeted the shagbark like I was meeting a long-lost loved one.

 

Altered Horizons 64

Altered Horizons 63

Altered Horizons 63 Robin Botie of Ithaca, New York, photoshops fabricated landscapes in dealing with depression and coping with change.

Not all landscapes are calming scenes. Last week I combined contrasting textures to create a peaceful effect, but this week I chose two different scratchy textures to highlight the tension. This kinda reflects my rough week of dealing with the heat, loss of the internet and then power, my dog falling and failing, and the television breaking. Nothing earth-shattering. But it all added up to an uncomfortable edginess.

The foreground of this fabricated landscape is a pile of dried grasses that I tinted blue in Photoshop, and the sky is the negative image of a Shagbark Hickory tree trunk laid on its side and turned bluish as well.

 

Altered Horizons 63